Part 2 --------> LIVING IN THE LIGHT

 

LIVING IN THE LIGHT

Getting Conscious 

When I returned to the United States, I was hooked on some- thing called “consciousness.” I couldn’t have defined what it was but I knew that I wanted more of it and that for me, nothing else mattered as much as my process of personal growth. I felt that if I pursued external goals such as career, money, or relationships, they would ultimately feel empty, whereas if I devoted myself to my own development I would ultimately have the things that my heart desired such as loving relationships, meaningful work, and a sense of abundance, and that it would all come about in a more satisfying way.

I was motivated not only by my yearning to find greater ful- fillment in my own life, but by a strong desire to make a contribu- tion toward positive change in the world and in other people’s healing and happiness.

I moved to the San Francisco Bay area, which I recognized as the forefront of the so-called “human potential movement,” and plunged into the earnest pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, healing, and transformation. I took classes and workshops, avidly read new books, meditated, and talked constantly to others involved in the same process. After reading Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, I went to live at his center in Berkeley where we worked on our growth intensely, day and night, for a year. After that, I con- tinued to live communally for several years with others who were involved in an intensive personal development process. During this time, I did whatever I could to make enough money to live on — housework, office work, odds and ends — while I focused on my real work.

Since that time, over twenty-five years ago, my life has been dedicated to my growth and evolution as a conscious being. I grad- ually came to understand that becoming more conscious meant becoming more aware of all that was taking place within me and around me, how my inner world affected my outer world and vice versa. I realized that the more awareness I have, the more choice I have in how I create or respond to the circumstances of my life. When we are relatively unconscious, we simply do what we’ve

always done, not realizing there is any other way. As we gradually become more aware, we begin to recognize that other options exist and we can make other choices in how we live.

At first, I imagined that this process involved a straight line from A to B, A being the darkness of ignorance, and B being full “enlightenment.” The goal was to move from A to B as directly as possible. If we were dedicated and fortunate enough to achieve enlightenment, we would have completed the process; we would be radiant beings, always filled with light, love, and wisdom.

Eventually, I understood that consciousness is an ever- unfolding, deepening, and expanding process with no end point. We are infinite and complex beings, and our human journey involves not just a spiritual awakening, but the development of all levels of our being — spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical — and the integration of all these aspects into a healthy and balanced daily life.

I’m getting ahead of myself, however, so back to my story.

My Name 

People often ask me about my name so I thought I’d pause here and tell you about it.

While in India, I became very fascinated with the Hindu reli- gion and began to study it. I had not been raised as a Christian, and that religion had never held much interest for me. I liked some of the ideas in Buddhism a lot, but it seemed a bit intellectual to me. The myths, symbols, and deities in the Hindu religion touched

me in a deeper place in my soul. It is a very complex religion and I don’t even pretend to understand it, but I grasped a few things.

In the Hindu religion there is a trinity of three main deities that symbolize three aspects of life. Brahma is the creator, Vishnu is the preserver, and Shiva is the destroyer. Shiva represents the constant changing of the universe, the fact that everything must constantly be destroyed in order to be reborn. He reminds us that we must constantly let go of everything we hold on to, in order to flow with the motion of life. Many of his fervent devotees give up home and possessions and wander freely, abandoning themselves to following and trusting the energy of the universe. Shiva is also known as Nataraj — the Lord of the Dance (literally, the Lord of Rhythm). They say that it is his dance that keeps the universe in motion. He is depicted as a very beautiful and powerful man with long flowing hair. (It is said that out of his hair flows the holy Ganges river.) I felt irresistibly drawn to him.

Shakti is the feminine aspect of Shiva. The word “shakti” means “energy” — the energy that everything in the universe is made of. It is the energy of life — the life force running through our bodies. It also means “female energy.” In the Hindu practice of Tantra, there are techniques for enlightenment through chan- neling one’s sexual energy. In this practice, the man is referred to as Shiva and the woman as Shakti.

When I returned from India I met, and for several years lived with, my friend Marc Allen. He didn’t think my previous name fit me and, knowing of my “love affair” with Shiva, he began calling me Shakti. I liked it and began using it. At the time, I don’t think

I realized how powerful the name was, but I certainly realize it now. I feel that the vibration of the name has helped me to emerge into my power.

Gawain is the last name I was born with. It is the same name as Sir Gawain in the King Arthur legends. According to one dic- tionary definition, it means “battle hawk,” which I think is a won- derful image. To me, Shakti represents my feminine aspect, and Gawain, my masculine aspect.

Cr eati v e Visualization 

One of the earliest workshops I took was the Silva Mind Control Course. At that time, I was still rather skeptical about this sort of thing and probably would never have gone to it except that my mother had taken the course and highly recommended it to me. I will never forget her description of a technique in which you can imagine what you want to have happen and it will very often come about. My mind felt doubtful about this but my heart made a leap and I remember thinking, “Ever since I was a child, I always knew that there was magic — that somehow, somewhere, magic really exists. This sounds like the closest thing to it that I have ever heard of.”